General Conclusions on Sexual Morality

From our general principles and the guidance of scripture, we can come to certain conclusions about sexual morality. The first is that any forced, violent, or non-consensual sex is a violation of love and therefore immoral. This includes rape (of either sex), statutory rape (the seduction or recruiting of those not mature enough to exercise informed consent), pedophilia, and incest against a young person (again, of either sex). These crimes are rightly condemned by all Christians.

Our second conclusion is that even consensual sex (like that between David and Bathsheba) can be immoral if it violates relationships. Obvious examples are adultery (which sins against the innocent party or parties), promiscuity (of any kind), and fornication (at least when engaged in casually without a long-term committed relationship, for this is a sin against a potential child). Under certain circumstances, divorce or even the refusal of sexual relations within marriage can be a sin against an innocent partner. Masturbation can be sinful if it is used to allow one to deny a spouse, for then it is a violation of love and relationship, the foundational principles of Christian morality. (On the other hand, masturbation would seem to be a positive good if used to enable one to avoid making demands on a partner who wishes to avoid sexual contact for a period of time. Even better is "mutual masturbation" by marital partners when intercourse is impossible or impractical. It is regrettable that such practices are condemned by some as illicit means of birth control. Withdrawal, for example, is only wrong if it is against the wishes of one’s partner, as in the case of Onan and his brother’s widow.)

Because love and relationship are imprecise concepts, the above conclusions should be viewed with flexibility, understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. A man who throws off a loving wife to marry a younger woman has sinned against his wife. He shouldn’t be thrown out of the church; but neither should he be told he did nothing wrong. If he hasn’t remarried yet, he should be told to go back to his wife. If he has remarried, he should be told to faithfully and willingly provide alimony and child support, to make restitution in whatever way is possible, to seek forgiveness and reconciliation, and to avoid doing the same thing with his second wife. Is he sinning every time he makes love to his second wife? In a legalistic sense, perhaps. But his real sin was leaving his first wife. And what of the innocent, abandoned wife? Is she bound to a life of celibacy and loneliness until her scoundrel former husband dies? Hardly. To require this would be legalism of the worst kind. If we were to say that the poor woman is condemned for all eternity if she remarries, but that she could murder her ex-husband, confess,and then marry again with God’s blessing would be to do the Pharisees one better!

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